Decisions and feedback

If James were writing this blog and not Tawdry, he would probably say...

So, I get ideas

Lots usually

In the past I didn't always recognize their value

In the past I found it hard to follow many of those ideas through



But now I try to honour each of them

Regardless

Where ever possible



Tawdry Heartburns Manic Cures has been for me a lot about honouring ideas

Despite fear, reservation, cost or potential disaster

Just shut up

Put up

And do it...



So I had an application to take the collection of ideas that make up this show to a

national arena that could potentially have spin off internationally

An application to get invited at least, let's not get carried away here

An application to be considered for a performing arts trade market

I put it off and put it off and got 'busy' and distracted and blah blah blah

At almost deadline I went to bed to watch episode after episode of a fave show

I spent almost an entire day procrastinating and worried sick about it

Not enjoying the show

Not enjoying me

Not enjoying time slipping and slipping and f*****g slipping

Finally, I had to stop watching the crap I was pretending to be interested in

And ask myself a simple question.

Actually, there was an observation first

James I said, you are scared and in hiding

Do you want to turn your back on your ideas yet again because you are scared?

Actually, there was another observation and another question

It feels almost painful this hiding and procrastination

You could just turn give in to it and walk away again, the ideas will come again and

You can turn away again

Do you want to do that?

Do you want to be that person James, decide now?



I don't know why but it takes a lot of 'pain' to sometimes overcome fear or at least

Knock sense into myself

I want to be someone who talks about it and does it

Not someone who just talks about it



I decided that again despite the relative fear and pain

I can work with those parts of myself more than I can work

With the acknowledgement that I am someone who chooses not to follow through on

Inspiration however profound or otherwise I might imagine it to be


Around the time that this was all going down I had some very honest feedback about

Tawdry's week long gig at PICA in Perth a few weeks ago.

Some good stuff but also some very clear and straightforward stuff about what hasn't

Worked, about where attention should be paid to move the work forward

Stuff about opportunities missed and preformative moments not delivered well or

Handled to the best effect for the work

I don't find it hard to hear honest appraisals about my ideas based work, because it's

The only way to make the stuff that really matters to me better. But more than just

Hearing it, it re-energized my approach to the work, distilled some of it in my head

and made the procrastination easier to work through too

Not a magic remedy but a clear pathway forward, not confusing, not scary just work

That will help make those ideas of mine sharper, clearer, easier for peeps to

Interact with

Armed with objective insight, the decision to do can be all the more productive, and

low and behold, enjoyable

Who knew???