Drunk Secrets *Contents Warning*

I'm doing my show THMC in an outdoor concert venue that after the concert is over becomes a club/pub.

I let drunk people loose on typewriters and ask them to reveal something poignant and personal.

What was I thinking?

"Mate! Hey mate! Mate Mate Mate Mate Mate!!! (Think the seagulls in Finding Nemo) Mate! This typewriter is fucked! Someone before me fucked it up. "

Have you tried returning the carriage? Just move it along like this.

"Oh, thanks buddy. Geez you're awesome. Hey Macca! Macca!!!!!!( or in fact Bazza , Dazza or Shazza) C'mere you gotta type out a seekrit doooood!" Macca doesn't give a fat rats about secrets until, (as actually happened last Saturday night) he sees the hot chicks trying to type up theirs. I know for a fact that one such dude successfully pulled by asking the babe next to him to read his secret. She declined, he slurred his insistence. Miraculously, it worked and the babe in question read his 'secret', his 10 digit mobile number.

Later that night.

"Hay, you in the hat. How do you delete stuff? I spelled whore wrong.

And later still.

"Oh c'mon! Those secrets aren't real dude. It's all bullshit."

Really? Thinking to myself, do you know all the three hundred people who typed those secrets up?

"Then they're just losers."

Smile Tawdry, remember to smile. Drunk people have rights. Drunk people are patrons of the arts too. Concentrate on the fact that the piece is so not about the voice of the alcoholically emboldened. It just so happens that in the last hour of the performances the audiences change dramatically. And actually, getting off my artwanker high horse for a moment, that's a good thing and the process of adapting to audiences of diverse sobriety has been a very useful challenge for me as a performer. But for the sake of documentation here is a very small sample of the secrets of the drunk.

BE ADVISED I DO NOT ENDORSE THESE VIEW POINTS OR DISPLAY THEM ON THE WEBSITE OR INSTALLATION OF THE WORK. CONTENT WARNING. SOME OR ALL OF WHAT FOLLOWS MAY OFFEND OR, IN MY CASE, JUST MOMENTARILY SADDEN.


If you are going to fspew (sic) in front of a prostitute don't fart'

She's a bit fat but she has nice teeth

I am the walrus

I stole a kidney from a drunk in the street

I've always wonderd what colour smurfs turn when you go and choke their ass....

My mother secretly wishes to drown children, morso (sic) if they are asian

I like to kick em to the kerb unless the fuck like Mick Jagger

I saw yer mom on the corner with a mattres on her back offering curb service

As I said, i want to fuck a goat

Once, when i was asleep I began to dry umphump (sic) the dog who sleeping in next bed bause (sic) my wife was having her period wen I woke up I could;nt stop


And these are the contributions of some people who tell me that the more heartfelt secrets currently on display on the website and at Becks Music Box are by sad losers??

Oh yeah, and after packing the show up the other night I came back to the display boards to find still more fun, pissed, party people whooping it up whilst over-writing their own witty commentaries on top of other people's displayed secrets. For example over one secret about a childhood trauma was written,
"Die you sad Emo losers die!". Hilarious...


However, enough said, there is so so much more that is completely fab about THMC at Becks and I am really digging the experience. Just needed to get that off my chest!

Thanx peeps TH ;-)