meeting the deadline

It's about the lack of sleep
Not because of all the work but all the procrastination
It's not that easy to do, to sit down and commit your honest ideas to a form knowing
you will submit that form to a panel who will rate that form amongst a whole bunch of
other such forms
You give you ideas in that form to a panel which is made up of people you probably know well or at least know of

And they tell you if you have shown good form, are on form, informed, reformed, form fit
Or if it doesn't go so well formless out of form or poor form
All the more problematic coz you used to be on that panel and even chair it
So you better commit those ideas in a way that looks like you know what you are doing
Oh did I leave out the part where I used to run workshops on how to fill out those forms
Hahaha

Still it's no laughing matter
Well, I mean I'm talking about the stuff that means more to me than just about anything else
The communication of the stuff that really keeps me awake at night
The stuff that takes my eyes off the road and takes my focus from a dull conversation and puts the joyful sinful duration into my showers

My ideas
My being a conduit for fresh thoughts
And the sending those thoughts across time and space to who ever is roughly in front of me
When they pick up my ideas my thoughts
When they toss them around their brains for a bit
Mull them over even for a little
Even if they turf them out quickly
Or think about it then decide no
Or hang on to them
Or run with them
Or laugh or wince or be dumbstruck or just cynical because of them

When that happens

I know I'm alive

So despite all the procrastinated sleep deprivation
It's worth it
Coz if this application bares fruit
I get to build some ideas and send them out
And in so doing when I see hear feel those ideas get received
I know I'm alive

And it's a good feeling that...